...I can't be loved because of who I am.

Please be aware that the following summary (and application as a whole) has mentions of child abuse depicted in the webtoon.

Your Wings and Mine is a webtoon about an angel who's just not very good at being an angel. Given a mission to defeat one specific demon, he sets out with the intention to finally accomplish something as an angel and prove his own worth. What he finds, however, is that the world is not as black and white as he was taught, and that he may not belong with the rest of the angels, after all. It's worth noting that angels and demons in this world can hide their wings and other parts of their true forms. The main demon character hides his demon wings, his horns, his multiple red eyes and his claws, for example. Shealtiel hides his wings, his many eyes on his right angelic side, his fangs, and his even more beastly wolf-like form we've only seen a glimpse of when he truly is enraged.

As the main character, Shealtiel gets a lot of focus. He was abandoned at birth in a human church with two knives, one angelic and one demonic. Weapons in this universe can be "demonic" and harmful to angels, or "angelic" and harmful to demons. Both are capable of harming Shealtiel. He has an angelic side and a demonic side, and the latter was tortured by the nuns raising him with the two weapons left by his side.

"Demons are vile and detested. Angels are kind and revered." This is a quote that comes up frequently in the webtoon, and it's how it begins. This is the teaching that Shealtiel was raised by, and the teaching that he has to begin to question as he moves along in life. He's not a perfect "angel" by any means, and can't honestly say if he really is one to begin with. Along with his demon wing, he is naturally left handed and so his left hand all the way up his arm and to his back is scarred due to the "correction" of this within the church. After 100 years of this treatment, and during a meeting where the pain of being touched and being forced to appear truly human hurts too much, he turns into the beastly wolf-like form mentioned above and slaughters all of the humans there. That is when an angel finds him and picks him up to return to Paradiso, the angel's world, to try and help him blend in and hide from any unnecessary attention.

The webtoon explores how Shealtiel struggles with what he's been taught versus what he encounters in his life more currently, with learning to accept outstretched hands (and learning that they can be offered at all), and with trying to come to a decision about what he really identifies as, or where he can really call home.

I tried to be as succinct as possible while hitting important points, so let me know if I glossed over anything or you need more understanding of a part of the world/Shealtiel himself.

For his CRAU, his run was only about two months due to the game closing, so I'll just briefly hit on the most important points in his development, as well. Overall, not much has changed. Shealtiel is still struggling with the same dilemmas, still doesn't know where he belongs, and still doesn't know how to properly make friends. However, he has managed to make some friends! He's more used to speaking with others, especially humans, and he's found that there are other people that can be important to him in various ways outside of his relationships back home. He also felt briefly appreciated and needed by someone in a line of work, which was a completely new feeling to him, as short lived as it was. This was with his faction leader. He also learned the struggles of more casual human day to day life, like flooding the apartments he was in on accident. Now he knows how to repair a toilet! Great knowledge. In summary, the biggest thing he learned was a certain resigned feeling of being transported to new realms, and the friendship he made along the way.

໒꒱ demons are vile and detested. angels are kind and revered.
Shealtiel has a very black and white view of the world, largely impressed on him by the trauma in his life and the situations he's been put in. Being told from the moment he was abandoned at a church that his demonic side was "vile" and needed to be suppressed means that Shealtiel has to accept that viewpoint, or else he feels that all of his suffering was for no reason. That's too cruel of an idea to accept for him, currently. He gets very agitated if anyone insinuates he's not an angel, or that angels may not be as good as he believes, and is currently midway through struggling that he may not belong in Paradiso OR Inferno. (The angel and devil realms, respectively.) He doesn't just believe in this world view, but he aggressively and stubbornly will fight to reinforce it so that things can make sense in his traumatized mind. This was shown in how he called even his demon-friends names and insults until it was pointed out to him that if he liked Luci, he shouldn't be calling him a vile demon, or saying that all demons are disgusting, etc.

໒꒱i AM an angel!
Anger stems a lot from his trauma and his forced worldview. As someone who was abused for the first 100 years of his life, and arguably still going through types of abuse now from Paradiso, Shealtiel lashes out over a lot of things. He has sensitive topics that he doesn't share, doesn't expect anyone to understand, and even grows angry with others if they try to butt in on what he's dealing with. It's entirely a defensive strategy. Having been abandoned at the start of his life and told throughout it that he essentially shouldn't exist, he's formed a protective barrier of sorts made of anger, coldness, and stubbornness. He wants to present himself as who he wants to be-- someone strong, independent, capable, and accepted. But due to the type of creature he is, he just can't be accepted no matter where he goes, and that struggle has caused a lot of anger inside of him to mix with the sadness and fear. He has a fear of humans mixed with a hatred for them, after his abuse at their hands for 100 years, for example. In one instance we see him afraid and nervous in crowds, and in another we see him kill a human for walking in on his confrontation with a demon even when he cannot bring himself to kill a demon (no matter how many times he's tried). The anger unleashes itself, and he isn't able to hold back.

໒꒱ i'm not sure if i deserve this type of happiness...
That fear, deeply rooted in sadness, holds him back from many things. He fears that he doesn't deserve kindness, that things aren't "meant" for him even as they're being presented to him specifically. When Luci shows romantic feelings, Shealtiel feels frustrated and confused because, despite liking him back, he feels that it's not right for him to receive any kindness. In his mind is a constant cycle between the anger mentioned earlier and this fear and sadness. There's a fear of abandonment, as he was abandoned from the very moment he was born. He feels he was abandoned later, too, by his Manager. There's a fear of uselessness, reinforced constantly by Paradiso as he is incapable of killing demons without his feelings getting in the way and his nausea putting a stop to the scene. There's a fear of death, because no matter how much he internally monologues about feeling like he doesn't deserve to live, he wants to, and the fear of being chased by death constantly for not being a creature welcome in the world grips at him constantly, causing him to have recurring nightmares. There's the fear of humans, and of rejection, of failure, and everything you can possibly imagine. Underneath his grumpy (and sometimes just awkward) exterior, Shealtiel is still the sad child he started out as, begging for attention and praise even if he feels he doesn't deserve it. He wants people to push past his walls and prove his negative thoughts wrong.

໒꒱ i want to open my wings in front of you.
While Shealtiel has all of these struggles that he's dealing with, the fact of the matter is that he's trying his best to grow and push through them. Throughout the story, he makes more relationships, steps outside of his comfort zone, and attempts to reach out. When originally he never would have allowed anyone to see his wings on purpose, he finally reached a point where he was willing to show someone important in his life, even knowing he was a demon. He can show vulnerability in rare moments, even if he tends to feel regret and uncertainty afterwards. He's gotten more used to standing around humans, even if the deep discomfort and fear is always there, and he's trying to open himself little by little. It's the pushiness of others that can cause him to close back up. He's much like a scared wild animal backed into a corner. He's capable of lashing out and hurting someone just to defend himself, even if that person has good intentions. But with the right caution and kindness, he can certainly open up, little by little, and begin improving himself and learning to accept other world views and thoughts. For the very first time, he's beginning to wonder what's really behind Paradiso, and this is such a huge development for him compared to how he used to be so assertive that Paradiso could do no wrong. Though he still will lash out and demand to be seen as an angel, say that he is one, the truth is that things are always more complex, and he's beginning to realize that as much as he wants a simple answer, he can't always have one.

໒꒱ appearance linked
As an angel (or at least half of one), Shealtiel has certain body parts that are naturally part of him that he keeps hidden. Wings are the first part, naturally. Most angels and demons can "fold their wings away" which essentially means they disappear entirely from view. This is generally stifling and uncomfortable, but Shealtiel still manages to do it constantly while in the company of anyone else. However, they can be forcibly unfolded by injury or stress. He has four pairs of wings on his back. On the right side, they are fluffy and white angelic wings, the largest at the top, with each one below it getting progressively smaller. On the left side are four demonic looking wings, almost bat-like, but they are also heavily scarred and distorted, twisted and bent and hardly grown. They can't stretch out anymore, hanging pathetically at his back, and making him unable to fly.

Shealtiel also has a large number of eyes on his right side, from his neck all the way up his face. Think biblical angel! He naturally keeps these hidden, as these are unusual for both angels and demons, but like the wings, they can be forced out under stress, injury, pain, etc. He also has fangs and claws that he keeps hidden away, finding them too demonic.

Lastly, in moments of pure rage/fear/intense emotion, Shealtiel has a beastly form that resembles a large, showlike wolf of sorts. The creature still has a large number of eyes on the right side of his face. He has claws and fangs, much like he can normally, but they're obviously larger along with his form. In this mode, he becomes incredibly strong and uncontrolled and did murder hundreds of people in a church when he was still a "child" (100 years old). He does not seem able to become this creature at will and even has nightmares of this form eating him up. In the game, I'd like for him to still have the risk of turning into this, but obviously I wouldn't hurt any other characters without permission (power-nerfing it as necessary, maybe saying it's just wonky), and I'd bring it up to mods first if it's anything more significant that I want to do.

໒꒱ the rest of the angel package
His weapon is an angelic weapon, and specifically a spear. In canon, this means that it can damage demons when normal weapons could not. It also means that he can summon it from within himself, or out of thin air. This is the only object he can use that "inventory" space for, so I'd like to be able to keep it, if possible! It just makes carrying around a spear taller than him easier. He can be damaged by both angelic and demonic weapons in canon (these are the only reason he has hand scars), but since this is a separate realm entirely, I'd prefer him to be able to be damaged by any weapon to keep him in line with everything. He's very good with his spear, having been trained by his manager and mentioned to be stronger than he looks with it.

It's worth noting that demon wings cause him to vomit thanks to trauma. He's working on that, so I have reasonable excuse to make him not if I happen to thread with any demon-winged characters whose players don't want to deal with that.

Also, though it's not a power, angels and demons in universe are mentioned to have smells or auras. This basically has to do with the type of crowds you were hanging out with. When Shealtiel was first brought to Paradiso, he "smelled of humans" and had to be given new angelic clothes and time to adapt. Now, he smells and has the aura of an angel completely, to the point that they once had to disguise him under a cloak with "demonic aura" to it. This can mostly just be a CR tool if anyone with sensing abilities wants to tell that he's not human or at least doesn't feel or smell like it.

Shealtiel feels perfect for this setting because of his struggle with emotions and nightmares/trauma in general. He's in a constant struggle with himself, and putting him in a setting where he can face that, as well as make connections with others and try to push past his world views, is very interesting to me. He's going to feel like he doesn't belong, as he feels like this everywhere due to what he is. But I'm going to enjoy writing his struggle with knowing whether he fits better into dreamotion magic or nightmare, lining up with his struggle of angel vs demon inside of him. He's going to be clumsy and not very good at dreamotion magic at first, and that's going to be a great chance for CR for him too, making him face the struggle of "do I break down and ask for help or continue to stubbornly try things and eventually mess stuff up." Since Shealtiel is so good at pushing himself forward no matter the circumstances, I really think I'd be able to come up with things for him to get up to no matter what's going on in the game, and I'm excited for that! Having the CRAU option also makes this great for him, since it gets him past that initial struggle of how to talk to others and make some friends. Since he was in a forced faction game prior to this, it means that he's already past that hump, and the struggles I might have had apping him straight from canon are gone.