[She starts to snap, but something in her voice hitches. Stop it. Control yourself. Stop ruining this and control-]
I'm not some... helpless victim.
[It at least comes out less hostile. But it's true. It's always been true. She knows what her father was. It wasn't him. She knows he doesn't do love anyway. It wasn't him. Not that she ever needed it- It. -or wanted it- Wasn't. in the first place. Him. Rrgh. Not useful. Not helpful. She had his favor. That was all she needed. All she wanted. To be the best. To be worthy. Not that it mattered, because it wasn't really him.
The panic doesn't go away, but there's a sudden stab of rage. Of- hurt. Of hurt. Why did thinking about this hurt so badly? Why did it hurt Why did he hurt her He didn't mean to- He did this. He didn't. You did. You deserve it. Shut up. You need to eliminate the weakness. Shut up shut up That's it. Do what you always do. Monster. SHUT UP-
There's a sudden peal of thunder from outside, and she doubles over in pain, not the stabbing panic, not the clenching rage, not the pang of something she can't even identify, something more real, physical, visceral, like a hot knife in her ribcage, it hurts it hurts why did he hurt me he didn't do this-]
M-make it-
[The sentence is cut off with a hissing gasp of pain.]
no subject
[She starts to snap, but something in her voice hitches. Stop it. Control yourself. Stop ruining this and control-]
I'm not some... helpless victim.
[It at least comes out less hostile. But it's true. It's always been true. She knows what her father was. It wasn't him. She knows he doesn't do love anyway. It wasn't him. Not that she ever needed it- It. -or wanted it- Wasn't. in the first place. Him. Rrgh. Not useful. Not helpful. She had his favor. That was all she needed. All she wanted. To be the best. To be worthy. Not that it mattered, because it wasn't really him.
The panic doesn't go away, but there's a sudden stab of rage. Of- hurt. Of hurt. Why did thinking about this hurt so badly? Why did it hurt Why did he hurt her He didn't mean to- He did this. He didn't. You did. You deserve it. Shut up. You need to eliminate the weakness. Shut up shut up That's it. Do what you always do. Monster. SHUT UP-
There's a sudden peal of thunder from outside, and she doubles over in pain, not the stabbing panic, not the clenching rage, not the pang of something she can't even identify, something more real, physical, visceral, like a hot knife in her ribcage, it hurts it hurts why did he hurt me he didn't do this-]
M-make it-
[The sentence is cut off with a hissing gasp of pain.]